Parental Alienation and The Victimized Child

Parental alienation is a topic that continues to receive a great deal of attention in both the legal and social services fields. Like many identified forms of emotional trauma and relational conflict, efforts are being made to classify this dynamic as a form of mental illness or mental disorder.

To date, however, the DSM (Diagnosis and Statistical Manual) does not recognize parental alienation as an officially sanctioned mental illness or disorder, nor is there an associated diagnostic code for treatment. Which, when viewed through the lens of an emotional trauma perspective of human experience, is a good thing…in my opinion. I’m just not sure how pathologizing another form of emotional and relational distress is beneficial for those directly impacted by this familial dynamic.

It is interesting to note the basic misnomer: The term “parental alienation” denotes the efforts of one parent to damage or destroy the other parent’s relationship with the child. Parental alienation is a descriptor of the child’s reaction to parental conflict.

The Movement to Classify Parental Alienation as a Mental Illness of the Children

In short, the ideology behind the developing concept of parental alienation is that the child has developed a mental illness or disorder as a result of the dynamic that is playing out between the parents. Thus, the proposed diagnostic disorder, known as parental alienation, represents a focus on the symptomatic child…not the parents. This focus on the child tends to deflect attention away from the parental dyad, which is where the problem actually needs to be addressed.

An additional component of the parental alienation debate is the ongoing effort to frame or define the actions of the alienating parent as psychopathic, narcissistic, or indicative of some other form of psychological disorder. With all the effort being funneled into framing this type of familial dysfunction as a form of mental illness to be diagnosed, treated, and subsequently included in the next edition of the DSM, it is not surprising that the real underlying issues that drive this familial dynamic remain largely unaddressed.

Parental alienation is a relational issue between parents, not a mental illness in the child.

Parental conflict is not a new or uncommon dynamic. Nor is it unusual for conflict in the parental dyad to negatively impact the child. However, if you have a symptomatic or reactionary child, it would only make sense to be curious about the catalyst for the reactionary behavior, most notably, what the child is being exposed to… in the home, in the school, in the church, and in the community.

Because we know that conflicted parental relationships are often an originating source of childhood emotional distress, an examination of the familial stress to which the child is being exposed seems a reasonable first step in evaluating the child’s symptomology. This work is especially relevant due to the propensity for children, entrenched in parental strife and conflict, to grow into adults with serious relational and emotional problems.

Parental alienation, more accurately defined, might be recognized as the emotional or mental trauma response of a child being deliberately alienated from a parent by a parent in an attempt to damage or destroy the child’s relationship with the targeted parent. 

A Normal Reaction to an Abnormal Situation 

In the context of such a powerful, mentally painful, and emotionally overwhelming experience for both the child and the targeted parent, it would seem reasonable to expect some emotionally laden reaction on the part of the child (and the targeted parent). Attempting to define this dynamic as a mental illness seems to set aside, avoid, or disallow the most apparent component of the dynamic, most notably…abuse.

Perhaps the most salient aspect of the parental alienation discussion is not the need to identify some new form of mental illness but the seemingly directed effort to reframe an intent to cause harm, i.e., abuse… as mental illness.

Such an omission seems to highlight how reframing deliberate efforts to harm or abuse as states of mental illness can quickly become a form of victim-blaming.

When parental conflict results in a deliberate attempt by one parent to damage or destroy the relationship of the child with the other parent, perhaps a more expedient course of action would be to focus on the abuse being perpetrated on the child by an adult, as opposed to blaming some socially constructed “disorder” in the child.

While working through and resolving the complex issues represented in both the parental dyad and familial system requires the willing participation of all of the family members and a collective desire to address the underlying dynamics that are driving the reactionary actions and behaviors, such work would seem to be better suited for the therapy room than the legal, diagnostic, or social system.

Because people make sense within the context of their lived experiences and tend to take actions based on their embedded beliefs, perceptions, and established mindsets, both the alienating parent and the targeted parent must be accurately assessed for possible emotional and relational traumas and experiences that are driving their behaviors and chosen actions. Once evaluated, the parents can then address these issues on an individual or collective basis. Systemically, less reactivity, stress, and conflict in the parental dyad usually result in a less symptomatic and anxious child.

If effective co-parenting, mental well-being, and reconciliation are the actual goals sought by those who come alongside these suffering families, perhaps these families would be better served by emphasizing the collective relational healing and wholeness of all the members of the familial system rather than continuing the current tendency to assign blame, seek legal remedy, or apply a diagnostic code.

When addressed as relational issues, parental conflict and systemic dysfunction are resolvable issues that can be addressed through individual, couple, and family therapy. To change behavior, you must first change the drive or mindset behind it.

In His grace and service,

Teresa

Additional explanations and supportive materials for parents navigating this dynamic are available in the resource library. 

Also, if you are looking to take a deeper dive into the subject of Parental Alienation, please consider  Me, We, and Thee: A Hermeneutic Phenomenological Study of the Targeted Parent’s Lived Experience.

To learn more about the relational dynamics of parental alienation and ways to manage better co-parenting, blended family, remarriage, infidelity, and other relational, emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual experiences and traumas, call or text the office directly at 317-210-1776.

This article was originally published under Chrysalis Connections and was reviewed and updated in 2026 as part of the Natural Relational Health Institute rebranding and content expansion.